2026: The Donuts Are New. The Cases Are Not. Things I Want To Know podcast
from $29.90
It’s 2026. Someone said, “I’ll bring donuts,” like they were defusing a bomb instead of walking into a room full of unresolved human misery.
The donuts are fresh. Warm box. Pink frosting. Hope flickers briefly, like a dying fluorescent light.
Then the cases clear their throats.
They are stacked. They are labeled. They have dust patterns older than your optimism. One of them predates the donut shop. Another predates the internet. At least one predates good decision-making. None of them acknowledge the donuts as a legitimate investigative tool.
On the back of this shirt, a raccoon has taken control of the situation. The donut box is open. Evidence tape is present, mostly for emotional support. An evidence marker sits on the floor marking nothing of consequence. The raccoon is eating a donut directly next to unsolved history and has never been more certain about anything in its life.
This is not a metaphor. This is operational reality.
Things I Want To Know exists in the exact space where curiosity refuses to shut up, even when the facts are uncooperative, the timelines are cursed, and the only new development is someone saying, “Okay but hear me out.” We don’t promise answers. We promise questions. We promise detours. We promise that at some point you will laugh, immediately feel bad about it, then laugh harder.
The front of the shirt is clean. Polite. Respectable. The back looks like a crime scene that lost a fight with a bakery and is now processing its feelings.
Wear it to a coffee shop and watch people read it twice. Wear it to a party and get cornered by someone who says, “This reminds me of a case.” Wear it while listening to the podcast at 2 a.m., realizing the raccoon is the most emotionally stable one in the room.
It’s soft. It’s comfortable. It survives the wash. The cases absolutely do not.
Final Notice: No answers were discovered during the production of this shirt. Several donuts were harmed. The raccoon remains at large.
XS
S
M
L
XL
2XL
3XL
4XL
5XL
Width, in
16.50
18.00
20.00
22.00
24.00
26.00
28.00
30.00
32.00
Length, in
27.00
28.00
29.00
30.00
31.00
32.00
33.00
34.00
35.00
Sleeve length, in
8.60
8.90
9.20
9.50
9.70
10.00
10.40
10.80
11.20
Size tolerance, in
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY
Product information: Bella+Canvas 3001, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Blank product sourced from Honduras
Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: medium heat, Do not dryclean
Color:
Size:
It’s 2026. Someone said, “I’ll bring donuts,” like they were defusing a bomb instead of walking into a room full of unresolved human misery.
The donuts are fresh. Warm box. Pink frosting. Hope flickers briefly, like a dying fluorescent light.
Then the cases clear their throats.
They are stacked. They are labeled. They have dust patterns older than your optimism. One of them predates the donut shop. Another predates the internet. At least one predates good decision-making. None of them acknowledge the donuts as a legitimate investigative tool.
On the back of this shirt, a raccoon has taken control of the situation. The donut box is open. Evidence tape is present, mostly for emotional support. An evidence marker sits on the floor marking nothing of consequence. The raccoon is eating a donut directly next to unsolved history and has never been more certain about anything in its life.
This is not a metaphor. This is operational reality.
Things I Want To Know exists in the exact space where curiosity refuses to shut up, even when the facts are uncooperative, the timelines are cursed, and the only new development is someone saying, “Okay but hear me out.” We don’t promise answers. We promise questions. We promise detours. We promise that at some point you will laugh, immediately feel bad about it, then laugh harder.
The front of the shirt is clean. Polite. Respectable. The back looks like a crime scene that lost a fight with a bakery and is now processing its feelings.
Wear it to a coffee shop and watch people read it twice. Wear it to a party and get cornered by someone who says, “This reminds me of a case.” Wear it while listening to the podcast at 2 a.m., realizing the raccoon is the most emotionally stable one in the room.
It’s soft. It’s comfortable. It survives the wash. The cases absolutely do not.
Final Notice: No answers were discovered during the production of this shirt. Several donuts were harmed. The raccoon remains at large.
XS
S
M
L
XL
2XL
3XL
4XL
5XL
Width, in
16.50
18.00
20.00
22.00
24.00
26.00
28.00
30.00
32.00
Length, in
27.00
28.00
29.00
30.00
31.00
32.00
33.00
34.00
35.00
Sleeve length, in
8.60
8.90
9.20
9.50
9.70
10.00
10.40
10.80
11.20
Size tolerance, in
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
1.50
EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY
Product information: Bella+Canvas 3001, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Blank product sourced from Honduras
Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: medium heat, Do not dryclean
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